SURPRISE! #notdead
Yeah, so. I'll make this quick because people are nagging me to do things. Actually, technically all of society, culture, whatever entity name you want to give "them" is screaming at me to be some kind of productive citizen in life by their own standards. And I'd just rather not.
Mostly because I'm "supposed to." If it weren't for that, then I'd probably be a productive citizen if there wasn't such an. . . unspoken outcry for it.
Am I even making sense?
Aw, well. So my life has mostly been consumed by work and college. Weekends are dedicated to study. I pretend like I try to have some sort of social life? Or like I want a social life? I don't know. I do sort of need friends because I want to do things, but I'm scared to do things by myself. Even though I did actually go to some swing dancing thing the other night. I came close to chickening out to an estimated 9.3 million times, but I don't know anyone who would go with me. So I took the beginner lesson and sat and watched people dance for the remainder of the evening. And I felt mildly guilty because I should've been studying. But I was also angstily rejoicing because I didn't want to study at all.
I love learning, but I can't stand school this semester. There are too many people. *shivers* And I don't have time to do the things I want to do. Like blog. Read. Write. Talk with you wonderful people. Practice guitar. Watch movies. Stay home and do WHATEVER I WANT!
*cough* You get the point.
I'm also working in the writing lab at the college now. So I second guess everything that I read and write [excluding this post, because I am not going to let myself]. I end up over-analyzing even the things that I know are right, so I then get things wrong.
I have to study.
So it's a new month! Starting Sparks is here. So have the button.
The prompt for October. We need more dragons in life.
Have a great week, month, LIFE! And write like a fiend!
How are you? Are you and life on speaking terms or at odds?
HELLO DEAR FRIEND! I think this is, like, a record for VERY SPEEDY COMMENTER. I just logged onto Blogger and there you were before me, glowing in the wilderness.
ReplyDeleteI HATE being told to be a productive citizen. I've been hearing about it a lot recently because my mother is keen for me to get a particular job (see my most recent post for more chat on this topic) and also because I'm applying to unis and she keeps going on about (and uni websites keep going on about) graduate employment rates. And I know it's contrary of me to be like I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE because I KNOW that I'm not gonna step out of uni and be JK Rowling, but I just REALLY struggle to think about careers or, like, any course of life that doesn't involve writing? Because there is literally nothing else I want to do and, just, like ... what? What do you even expect from me??
*ahem*
I already had a big angsty rant about this in my post. Make this Angsty Rant #2.
But well done for going to the dancing! I'm proud :')
Also, happy birthday Starting Sparks! ~shyly lights candle on tiny cake~ (It doesn't omen well that even we, the hosts, didn't link up last month, but OH WELL! We plunge on regardless.)
*taps mic* And the award for the Fastest Commenter goes to Emily! I don't think anyone has ever commented on one of my posts so quickly. But I'm glad I glow in the wilderness. At least, I'm not lost out there. ;)
DeleteI TOTALLY FEEL YOU! It's very irksome. Actually, it's more discouraging than encouraging when the whole universe is chanting for you to succeed for its own benefit. (Oh, did I put that too harshly, universe?) I know what you mean about the writing too (except for the JK Rowling bit, I have no idea what she did after uni, I'm guessing she wrote). I've tried to entertain the idea of doing different things. I've even changed my major. But my life just comes back to stories. Over and over. It's all about stories, it's all about writing. I'm not fighting it anymore because I've realized it's pointless to.
Is it weird to say that if you can't imagine life without writing then writing is what you're made to do? Because I really think that.
Rant all you want. I will listen. And we'll sing the same song. (Metaphorically of course, because you don't actually want to hear me sing. XD)
I did something. BY MYSELF! I don't even know how. Thank you. XD
AAAHHH! I forgot it's Starting Sparks' birthday! I should've said something. I never remember these things (at least you brought cake). If I ever get married, I'll be the one who forgets anniversaries while my husband will remember everything. I already feel sorry for him. (Who cares about omens, man? Let's eat cake and keep writing! We'll show you, universe; we don't need your normal standards of success. We shall write! And we shall conquer!)
Okay, the angst is getting dramatic. Perhaps I should go now. XD
I WONDERED IF YOU'D RELOCATED TO JUPITER OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I'VE MISSED YOU. *builds a chocolate fort around you so you can study in it* I totally get the whole "I would've done it but you want me to so now I don't want to" thing. Meeeee.😂 And also just being at home and doing all the fun things = very much the good life. I'm ready for a wildly rich relative to die and bequeath me aaaall their money so I can be a stay at home crazy book person and just swim in books all day. WHY IS LIFE NOT KIND TO US LIKE THIS, ASHLEY???? Gah.
ReplyDeleteAnyway! Good luck with all the things you must do! And also that's awesome that you went to the dancing thing by yourself. Brave, inspirational soul you are. :')
Life and I are on semi-good speaking terms?? Except for the fact my TBR wants to kill me and work is slow.😂 But things should be speeding up now that there's only 3 months left of the year *SCREAMS* and I'll regret the slowness soon. ;)
I considered it. But I found that relocating to Jupiter is apparently a lot of work and I'm to lazy for such things. (A chocolate fort! Huzzah! Uh, but that's unpractical. . . and fattening*cough* according to Gwen Stacy.) Exactly! That would solve all of life's problems!
DeleteThank you!
Oh, keep an eye on that TBR, Cait. I know what kind of books you read. They hide knives between their pages; careful now. ;)
Like Cait said, if only a rich relative could leave me all of their money...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I still get it from my parents too - I know what I want to do, and I'm doing it. Or, well, I'm trying to anyway. I've got a job in my field and I love it although it isn't the highest paying or all that magnificent.
Either way, it's good to see you again! I'm looking forward to this month's prompt! You can never go wrong with dragons!
Ugh, yes.
DeleteExactly!
Thank you! Dragons are always the way to go. :)
I care very much! Glad to hear you are doing well, and even attempting to socialize. You make Me and Mr. Darcy proud.
ReplyDeleteI also love all of the Sherlock gifs! I kinda want to take out my sidebar, and make my blog full sized now. Curse you, I just changed it.
Thank you! I appreciate that. Aw, well, you know, I cringe and try (the socializing thing, that is). XD
DeleteMWHAHaha! I'm such a dastardly influence! Really though, this light blue thing is killing me. I've half a mind to change the background to solid black with white type and blue titles. The other half of my mind (is probably gone) doesn't want to put my followers through that. :/
A battle-hardened soldier and an emotional dragon. I feel like that could be some kind of sitcom if you did it right.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with your studying! And good luck with being/not being a productive citizen, because what even is a productive citizen anyways? And how do you know when you reach it? Do you get some kind of medal or something? An email? A pat on the head? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
Probably. It would hilarious though! Because dragons.
DeleteThank you! Ah, yes! There isn't a precise definition for "productive citizen" so how are you even supposed to attain this level of citizenship, hm? It's all ambiguous. Therefore I think it ought to be left up to personal interpretation. *nods* (We SHOULD at least get a COOKIE or something?! What are we even doing this for?)
UGH THERE'S SO MUCH LIFE STUFF GOING ON FOR EVERYONE JUST WHY DOES LIFE GOTTA? xD I'm not even in college and am getting drained with all the work, so I have so much respect for you brave studying/college folks. *hands you allll the pizza in order to survive*
ReplyDeleteThough I'm not participating, I like the prompt! I totally agree with Cait's comment -- you can never go wrong with dragons. xD
// katie grace
a writer's faith
I know! Is it a time of year? Is this everyone's "busy season"? Thanks! *munches pizza*
DeleteDragons rock! Thanks. :)
I totally would have gone swing dancing with you. There's a good chance that I would fall once or twice, but I bet that it would really fun nonetheless. I hope your semester improves, it's never fun when you can't find the time to do anything you want to do and what you are doing is just driving your crazy.
DeleteThank you! It would be fun. :) Thank you. I'm trying to find time for it all. XD
Delete