I thought I'd write about Eelistle again. You know, the elf from the first prompt? I changed the prompt so the verb tense would fit.
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There has never been a worse time to sneeze.
The guard’s footsteps grow closer.
I breathe silent through my mouth as my nose itches
with the incoming force.
Closer.
If Cordon were here to laugh-
The guard’s boot tip comes into view.
No time for sneezing.
I leap from behind the wall and sink my sword into the
man’s chest. Just don’t look him in the eye. As I withdraw my sword, I let the
blade sling out behind me. The metal rings against the sword of the other
guard. He’s much too loud to sneak up on anyone.
My nose wrinkles. I disarm him with ease.
“Ah- Akchoo!” The offensive germs explode everywhere
while the short guard scrambles for his sword. Bleck! That wasn’t disgusting. I
sniffle.
The man swings at my head. It’s a high target for him
and I step aside. In him, I see everything that Cordon warned me against in my
training. Another sneeze tickles my nose. I deflect the guard’s angry thrust
with a flick of my blade. I glance to the heavens. This cold will be the death
of me.
“Eelistle?” Brayden picks his head up from the squat
post where he’s been tied.
I fake a lunge at the guard. The man scuttles back.
“Brayden.” I bow my head, sneeze, and raise my sword
just so.
The guard jumps right into the blade. He slumps to the
ground and I hate myself for how well I can always time that- Someone’s death. I
swallow hard.
“You came back?” My friend sounds a little delirious.
But then, Brayden was just freshly whipped two hours ago. I wish I could’ve
come sooner. But it’s a star’s chance I’m here now. A bad taste fills my mouth
to see my friend – a prince on his knees- sagging against that post with his
hands bound around it. A lump forms in my throat. But that could just be the
cold.
I yank my sword free and stumble back with a sneeze.
“Yes-“ another sneeze- “I wasn’t going to leave you.”
“I’m sorry. Did you just sneeze at me?”
I eye Brayden. With the lazy cadence of his voice and
his hair matted with blood, I can’t tell if he’s just delirious. Or if
Brayden’s humor survived the whipping.
“The atmosphere in your realm doesn’t agree with my immune
system.”
“You have a cold.” He says it flatly.
I free his hands and rub my face. I breathe deep
through my mouth because the passage of my nose is dammed up. When I drag my
fingers from my eyes, Brayden undoubtedly smirks.
“My hero.”
“Oh, shut up!” What was I thinking? Brayden’s humor is
invincible. “Or next time, you can rescue yourself.” I pull him up.
He stifles a yell with a grimace. “If you insist on
saving me, you mind taking care with those wounds?” He winces again as I walk
him out of the courtyard.
I don’t mean to be rough. The lash of a whip is the
most painful infliction, perhaps because it comes barbed with shame. But we
have to get out of here. “Humans,” I say to keep him talking. “You’re
incorrigible.
Brayden grins again. It once again appears delirious,
but Brayden always grins like that. Still, his words drag in the exhausted,
slurring way of a tortured person. “I know you don’t believe that. Or you
wouldn’t have come.”
He’s right. I don’t believe it for a second. “Well-
Akchoo!“ I snuffle. “Don’t spread it around, right?” I try to hold him up.
“Right.” Brayden’s head lolls to the side.
THIS IS SO GOOD. Probably my favorite opening for a story ever. That first sentence, man...really hooked me. #firstsentencegoals Also, your dialogue is so smooth! Very nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I kind of just cheated though and used the prompt as my first sentence. :P
DeleteYay! I'm glad the dialogue was good! I always worry if my dialogue is, you know, natural and yet character-true.
AMAZING! You are so talented, this is amazing :D
ReplyDelete~Noor
a little bit of sunshine
Thanks! :) That's very encouraging.
DeleteI'm glad you like it!
ReplyDeleteI- have no idea what that is.
Okay, here is the timeline thus far in my head (dangerous territory here). Five years ago Eelistle fell into the Well of Realms and lived with the humans. Wherein he meets Brayden and tries to find his way back to his own realm. He succeeds about four and half years later. . . maybe longer? He returns half a year later- and this is when this rescue here takes place. I'm not sure if I want him gone that long though. . . we shall see.
Oh! Okay. I think we do have those. . . But I had no idea what it meant in that context. XD So maybe the expression is British? (See, this is what I like about blogging. I learn such interesting things about other cultures. Even if we speak the same language, it's still so different, even the language usage!) In that case, I thank you. Eelistle and Brayden seem to me like long lost brothers even though they are nothing alike.
DeleteYeah, that about sums it up. I'm just a host for my characters and stories so they can express themselves. Okay, that came out a little creepy. . . But when I think of something I take notes down in my phone. So when I'm done with Oddball I can think more on it. (Actually there are a lot of ideas fighting in line behind Oddball. Eelistle and Brayden, at present, have secured their position at the front though.)
At present, I write fantasy. But I have a lot ideas that aren't fantasy.
Delete