Um, I know I was here for a reason. . . now what could it be?

           So it’s been insane lately.

           Mid-terms at the college.

          Oh, yay. . .

            I forget a lot of things. I’m terribly unprepared. I walk into a room and forget why. I go to tell someone something and forget what I was going to say.

         My mom suggests I have a daily planner. But if I had a daily planner, I would never look at it. Or it would get swallowed into the abyss of my room and never be seen again. Besides I have an argument for procrastination.

        

Being highly unorganized and unprepared develops flexibility, resourcefulness, a quick mind, and improvisation.

         I’m telling you. It can be a good thing. ;)

         Lately, with everything I do either being something I don’t really want to do, or something that’s limited by some time constraint, I’ve been questioning myself a lot lately. Even if I’m doing something I love, I almost feel guilty for doing it because I’m not studying or doing something “important.” (my idea of important and other people’s ideas of important seem to be incredibly different, hence the quotation marks) Always in the back of my mind there’s this question:

Why are you doing this? What are you doing it for? Why does it matter? Does it even matter at all?

           I’ve really been bothered by this, longer than I originally thought. I actually changed my major this semester because it was bothering me all last year. I thought changing would help, that I would stop asking myself why I am doing what I do. Obviously, that didn’t work.

           I don’t normally talk about stuff like this here (okay, or anywhere), but oh, well.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
           This Sunday I realized something. That whatever I do, no matter what I do, I am doing it for God. Even if nobody sees it or hears about it, except God. As long as I am doing my best at it, it gives glory to Him. Because He is my strength. He is why I can do what I do. It’s my daily act of worship, I guess you could say. It doesn’t even have to be anything in the “Christian box.” (aka: it doesn’t have to be of the Christian genre to glorify God). God gave me this overwhelming peace that everything I do, whether it’s writing, playing guitar, spending time with family, studying for college, driving down the road, I am doing it for Him. And it does matter.


           I know that all might sound very simplistic. But I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. And I’m still figuring it out. Sometimes I still get kind of down and question everything I do. I have to remind myself why I am here and who I am doing what I do for. I need to stop trying to do everything on my own. It’s wearing me out. And I just cannot do it. I was never meant to do it alone. I have to give it to God. And I definitely haven’t grasped the concept of that yet. But we’ll get there.

          So. . . yeah.

         Also I wanted to share this really cool link with you. There’s this awesome post by Wild Horse at Ravens and Writing Desks (pretty cool title, huh? J  ).  It's about finding the personality type of your characters. It's a lot of fun! You should go check it out. Here's a link to the different types of personality types.  (I am determined that one day I will write an ESTP character).

         There’s this other really neat post by Mariah Martinez. She has started a post series on magic in literature from a Christian perspective. I think it’s pretty awesome of her to talk about a controversial topic, and I can’t wait to hear her opinion. You can read her first post at Godwottery Shenanigans.